Well, it's late and I'm tired. And when I'm tired I have even less control of what I write than when I'm not.
But I must say that some recent events have made me quite depressed.
I have seen friends grow distant from me, myself growing distant from my family, and almost all social contact what so ever, since I started working with music.
Now, this is not the first time I've seen this happen. In fact, it seem like I have periods in which I focus on one thing, and then move on to a period when I focus on something else, without properly learning what I was focusing on earlier.

This way, I've managed to become an administrator of a browser based game, I've managed to become the best - or one of the best - student/-s at programming at school. I have also learned the basics of several musical instruments this way, I have played the piano, the violin, drums, and stuff like ocarinas and jaw harps - for no good what so ever, because I always lose focus before I manage to properly learn them.
The same thing goes with sports, I've trained too many sports to be mentioned here, some on an almost professional level, but what good is it for when I can't manage concentrate on it properly.

Anyway, these changes of focus do not only have influence on my skills, but also on my social contacts, or rather, my friends. Each time I start focusing on something I seem to gain friends who share my new interest, and I lose friends who do not share it. But I always tend to naturally have someone to talk to about whatever it is that I want to talk about.
Little did I realize that my social network has actually been getting smaller and smaller, and weaker.

I've noticed that of the about 100 on-line friends I used to speak with regularly a couple of years ago, I now have about 0. And my real life bonds are falling apart as well. Although there are a lot of people who would probably say that they would always be there for me when I'd need them, I doubt they would, and likewise I also feel that I would not be there for them at their time of need anymore.
And since a friend in need is a friend indeed, I guess that almost all my current bonds will lead to nowhere.

Currently, I am in a period where I'm focusing on audio production and music theory, I had a similar period two years ago, but it's more intense now. It's so intense that I could swear I'll become NG famous next year. I really feel like I have what it takes to learn what is necessary to produce great songs.
However, I have only one person who I can talk to about music creation as a friend. And he's gone over the holidays, which means that lately I've had none. And, extremely illogical, irrational and possibly retarded as it is, I feel kind of... lonely. And it's starting to drive me mad.

Since my period of audio production started, I've been lurking the audio forum for hours every day. It has been the most valuable source of information to me, and I've learned a lot.
I haven't written many posts there because I don't really feel like I have the knowledge to participate most discussions there. Neither have I had a need to create any own topics, because at my level I have no questions that haven't already been posted by someone else there.
The only thread I'd probably consider posting in right now is The Audio Forum Lounge, to try to get to know some of the audio artists, my idols, a little.
However, I can't really find much sense in that thread, so I don't really know what I'd write.

But I have not been thinking of that a lot, because I started to feel at home here, I guess. I enjoyed lurking the forum, knowing that one day - one day -, I would be the one who would provide answers to people's questions.

(And that basically covers a lot of my personality and background to what made the following event post this news post)

Well, I rediscovered the Newgrounds Audio Irc Chat! thread today. What a lovely discovery, a real-time chat for the audio people, way better than the lounge in my opinion! I joined immediately, and spent some time there. All was great, especially since one of my favorite audio producers, who was on the IRC, spoke to me a little.

We didn't speak for long though, because I [accidentally] told him that I'm quite new to audio. His response to this was quite hostile, something along the lines of the IRC channel being for audio regulars only and not newbies asking for audio-help. I thought he was joking, no one was even discussing music, sound or any audio. So I told him that I thought I'd just stick around and listen to the pro's talking to pick up a thing or two. His outburst was again hostile, some simile concerning osmosis. At this point I stopped believing it was a joke, it's hard to tell on the Internet, but it didn't feel much like a joke. I wondered what would happen next, but the guy left IRC before further discussion could take place.

So, that doesn't make me feel very welcome at the IRC channel, but not even Newgrounds anymore. That guy has been one of my favorite artists for as long as I can remember having this account (check my sign up date), and I never imagined he would be the first one to go hostile on me on Newgrounds.
Now I do not even know if those audio artists whose threads I lurk about every day should really be my idols.
I was more worried about zero bombers and angry reviewers, but I guess those were never the real threat for me. My real weakness lies within my way of managing social relations. I have nobody to lean on now, I'm on my own.
It feels almost like if I've just been asked to leave my home.

It's 6.15 am now, so my thoughts are probably not very clear, and as soon as I finish writing this, I'm going to bed to sleep on this situation. In 8 hours I'll probably have forgotten how I felt when writing this.