Dear Newgrounder,

In this post I am going to vent my current feelings. These are not feelings about world politics and military conflicts, nor are they feelings about economy and stock markets. They are not feelings about crime and terrorism, they don't even concern the common topics about neither world hunger, AIDS, global warming, nor religion.

So, now you may wonder what my feelings might be about?
The answer is simple: Equalizers.
You may already know what an equalizer is, but I'll write it down to prevent possible misunderstandings.

An equalizer is an electronic device that processes audio signals; it boost or reduces the volume of chosen frequency ranges. After extensive studying it appears to me that this function is fundamental to have in the music industry, but the reason why eludes me (more on this later).
Anyway, the striking popularity of the equalizer has led to the development of various types of said device.
There are hardware equalizers, software equalizers, parametric equalizers, and graphical equalizers (well, duh). There are also big equalizers, tiny equalizers, bad equalizers, and good equalizers (arguable). And if you use FL Studio 8, you might also have encountered the stealthy invisible equalizer which starts messing with your frequencies right as you start exporting your song (experts say it could be a compressor, but I don't believe it unless I see it).
In fact, it would not surprise me if there even are organic equalizers lurking around, who will one fine day gain world domination, subduing the human race by successfully boosting eardrum-ravaging frequencies until they almost overheat themselves.

After having to listen to the crap these anti-social organic machines spam the planet's frequency spectrum with, one would be happy when your eardrums finally pop off, but no, after your eardrums perish your mind will be scarred forever having heard sound waves you'd never imagine existed.
And this is all Tier1, I'm not even going to mention the torment all living beings would have to withstand if the Equalizers would upgrade themselves further.

So, now that I have given you an idea about what equalizers are like, it is more likely that you will be able to at least somewhat relate to what I am about to write.

Around 4 hours ago, I was working on a completely new musical project. And I mean completely new, on a whole new level that all my previous projects. It features an accordion, two guitars (two different distortion effects), drums, and of course a violin (seriously, you must always include a violin :B).
You have no idea how cool these instruments sound together... in my mind!
Reality unfortunately differs from vision, and therefore I put my faith in mixing. I must say that volume knobs are powerful, but I already knew they wouldn't do wonders. I knew I had to do the inevitable, and so, I loaded up some equalizers; one for each instrument.
What a mistake to make!

I sat for an eternity trying to work with them unholy thingamabobs, trying to bring forth peace among my instruments, but it was of no use. Those equalizers seriously have a mind of their own, but it's a demonic, possessed, mind. And they have no bloody ear!
I thought that the only thing that kept me going was hope, I have read tales about both ancient and contemporary masters who have successfully managed to tame these infernal devices and produce the clearest of sounds. Many wise men have tried to guide me on the right path towards doing the same, but I have yet to discover the methods of the obviously necessary ritual of exorcism.
I did not realize that the hope I felt was what the equalizers wanted me to feel, as it was slowly dragging me into the diabolic deeps they must have spawned from.
As I was being dragged down, having no clue about it, I bet I had even less of a clue what would ultimately rescue me from the equalizers' claws. Perhaps it was thanks to my subconscious, destiny, or simply luck.

I happen to be the kind of person who runs a multitude of applications simultaneously on my computer, and from time to time some applications conflict with each other or simply, just crash. Usually, when this happens I transform into a reckless beast and curse everything from semi-conductors to alien lifeforms on planets so far away from Earth that your mind would explode if you'd try to imagine it (you'll have to trust my words on that), but today, when FL Studio caused an application error, it came as a blessing in disguise. Instead of transforming into a space traveling beast with bad manners, I reached a higher state of consciousness which made me realize the things I have written in this post.

And as I've reached the end of this story, it also springs to mind how time consuming it was to write all this. All the time I've spent writing the truth about equalizers, I could have spent on perfecting my compositions. May this serve you as a warning, never trust an equalizer, ever.